What is Valentine’s Day?

The beginning of February signifies the start of the month of love and the lead up to Valentine’s Day – 14^th February. For those unfamiliar, Valentine’s Day is thought to have originated in Roman times and is a dedicated day each year where people are given a chance to express their affection for one another; through cards, gifts and kind words.

Though this might sound wonderful, and for many it is, for others,’ Valentine’s Day can evoke feelings of pressure, worry, loneliness and extreme unhappiness.

In this blog we explore the pros and cons around Valentine’s Day and consider ways that we can make this time of year a little easier for ourselves, if it is feeling overwhelming.

The pros and the cons around Valentine’s Day

The hustle and bustle of modern life can mean that spending time with your partner may sometimes find itself at the bottom of the list. The necessity of work, the demands of children and the household chores means that we sometimes forget to appreciate those that love and take care of us. Valentine’s Day offers the perfect opportunity (though some might say a little forced!) to pause and spend time with your partner. Many couples choose to use Valentine’s Day as an opportunity to spend an evening eating together with no distractions. It offers a space for you to connect (or re-connect) with your partner, strengthen your relationship and in some cases, enhance desire.

On the flip side, some people dread Valentine’s Day. For those in relationships, it can cause stress, anxiety and disappointment. You might feel a pressure to meet the expectations of society, which may be different to the wants and needs of your partner, and outside of your financial means. ‘Getting it wrong’ can result in arguments and jealousy. The pressure of spending money that you don’t have or don’t want to spend can also evoke feelings of resentment. For those who are single but wanting to be in a relationship, Valentine’s Day may cause you to feel loneliness, sadness, and sometime even anger. It can be extremely isolating knowing that your friends are spending the evening with their partners, whilst you are at home, alone. Unsurprisingly, Valentine’s Day can also contribute towards feelings of low self-esteem and not being good enough. If you have recently lost a loved one, Valentine’s Day (and the lead up to it) can be a deeply sad time on top of the grief that you already feel.

Our top tips for navigating Valentine’s Day

At Brightside Counselling, we challenge all of you this year not to dread Valentine’s Day and instead go easy on yourself and celebrate in a way that works for you. That might even mean NOT celebrating! Here are our top tips for navigating Valentine’s Day in 2023:

1. Choose time, not money – If you are in a relationship, opt to spend the evening together and write a heart felt message in a card, rather than spending money on expensive gifts that will soon be forgotten, or an over priced meal in a restaurant! Time is the most precious thing that you can give another person.
2. Put your phone down – If Valentine’s Day is difficult for you for one reason or another, we encourage you to spend some time away from your phone where the ‘joys of Valentine’s Day’ will be forced upon you through social media. If you do happen to spot sickly sweet posts, remember social media is certainly not reality.
3. Take some time for yourself – Do something that you enjoy; watch a film, take a bath or do some exercise. Taking the time to pause and do something that you want to do can do wonders for your self-esteem and confidence.
4. Reach out to loved ones – If you are finding the lead up or the day itself difficult, remember to reach out to your support network. Your friends and family are there to listen and offer an ear. Talking through your feelings can help you to process them and can really lift your mood.
5. Pay it forward – Why not consider volunteering? If you have some spare time available, why not consider donating your time to an organization that needs YOU. Volunteering is a fantastic way to meet new people, make use of your skills and experiences and contribute to your community. Find opportunities in your local area on the Government website.

Are you lonely?

‘Feeling lonely isn’t in itself a mental health problem, but the two are strongly linked. Having a mental health problem can increase your chance of feeling lonely.’

Mind (2019) Loneliness. Available at: Tips to manage loneliness – Mind (Accessed: 2^nd February 2023)

It is therefore important to seek support if you are feeling lonely, either on Valentine’s Day, or at any other time of the year. You can find tips to manage loneliness over on the Mind website, which include:

• Taking it slow
• Making new connections
• Try to open up
• Try engaging in peer support
• Talking therapies

Don’t be afraid to ask for help

If you or someone you know is feeling triggered by Valentine’s Day and you/ they require a little extra support, then please do consider reaching out to one of the many support services available in person and online including:

• Mind – Side by side – A supportive online community where you can connect with others and talk about your feelings.
• Samaritans – You can talk to someone on the phone right now, by calling Samaritans on 116 123.
• Your GP – Your GP is used to helping people who are struggling with their mental health. If you’re unsure whether to get in touch with your doctor, Mind offer some helpful information about when to seek help.
• We here at Brightside Counselling can offer you a safe, non-judgemental place to explore your thoughts, needs and feelings. I will listen and be alongside you as you share your world with me.

Brightside Counselling wish you a happy and loving Valentine’s Day 2023.